Thursday, November 14, 2013


Warning: Spoilers galore with this one. Be prepared.

Premise: A storm hits Los Angeles attracting nothing but sharks. Water sprouts and huge waves carry the sharks inland and they end up attacking people. There, you have it.

Review: I swear, Sci-Fi goes out of its way to come up with the most ridiculous movie plots they could think of. It's like their board room is made up of five year olds and before they make a movie they say: "Alright kids, lets toss around some ideas."
And the kids say: "How about we make a movie with a bunch of sharks, biting and stuff". Then another kid chimes in and says: "Yeah! we can have the sharks fall on people and oooh, we can even make shark tornados so they can fly high in the air attack people." That's when the brains of the operation, a ten year old steps up and says: "That's awesome, but you know what would really make this movie super-duper cool? We have the hero use a chain saw to slice through all the sharks." The board room goes crazy with the possibilities and that's how we get some shit like: Sharknado.

Now, I knew when I clicked on that dvd image on Netflix what I was getting myself into. I didn't go in blind. This is freaking Sci-Fi we're talking about. The reigning undefeated king network of spectacular bullshit. But DAMN! They exceeded my exceptions of just how lame they could go.
First, I'm not even going to bring up the cast. I will talk about those crazy ass CGI sharks though that were the menace of the movie. Now is it me, or did it seem like wherever the hero went, that's where the sharks were? It's as if one of them or all of them were cursed. They could drive through the city and be shark free, but as soon as they got out of the car... here comes the sharknado twister. At one point, it had been waiting for them to arrive at the airport as if it had their itinerary.
Then in the middle of all this chaos, we take the time to bloom romance and whine about how "daddy wasn't there". Now, I don't know about you, but when sharks and only sharks, mind you, (I guess the other marine life didn't get the memo about the jamboree.) are attacking, people ain't got time for all that boo-hooing.
I was to through by the time we got to the end, but then it got worse. Let me just tell you want the plan was. The hero's aviator son decides to fly his helicopter into the shark-filled twister and drop bombs into the eye of it. Now, we all know his little helicopter would have been tossed around. But I let it go, Sci-Fi and all, but I just can't excuse the bomb destroying the twisters. On top of all that insanity, we have the dad shooting the sharks that are getting too close the his son's helicopter with a handgun. When they get too close to his wife and daughter, he uses a chain saw. What. The. F*ck?
This movie broke new grounds on the "Are You Seriously Doing This Shit?" meter and now the device is out of order, just like this movie.

Grade: (F-) You're too dumb for school, a lost cause. I'm sorry.